So this post is a bit different from the regular makeup.. beauty items. But it is an issue we face sadly at times in our lives. Its something some of of are scared to speak out on and others will fly a banner across the sky if they could. For me it has changed. In my late teens and mid twenties I would want to tell the person, confront, and tell the whole world with all sort of intentions: embarrass the person, warn the world or just to simply get it out...Within the last couple of years I became the silent type. The silent type ranging from just telling friends and confronting the person, to just the person, to just close friends to just my bff and now i've just resort to telling God. But lately I shared something with a couple close friends and then i realise that telling others did nothing for me. I still felt crappy, it didnt change the situation. To those who I told they all gave different responses, so I ended up feeling more confused. So days later, I realise that another person has betrayed my trust. And I feel like i'm sinking even further into a hole. Its strange that I dont want to be around people, and Im a person who loves to have people around them (well good friends that is). Now I just want to be by myself. Strange enough Im now even going through a phrase I dont even want to touch my makeup. I'm at a sense of feeling so lost, and i know there are stages in dealing with betrayal and its grief, so I thought i'll just blog my days through it ..
I hope it can get better, I'm really at a lost of dealing with it. I've cried a bit, I want to try more but the tears wont come out.. and I think that is driving me insane that I feel like i can't express or get it out of me... then I wonder who I really want it out of me, if it gets out can I really deal with its reality.. My head hurts so much as I write this, my eyes are burning (and i dont think its from tears) My heart seems to be beyond repair and i feel the walls closing in.. I'm afraid i'll crash at some point.. i feel so sad..
Its time to get on my knees!!
